Easter

I am a Christian. Pretty much always have been. I hesitate to say this as everyone will have a different take on what that means and says about me. I often think about my faith like a jigsaw where there is ultimately a picture of God or a spiritual dimension that is so vast and complicated we will never understand it or finish the puzzle. And yet we can still put together groups of pieces and see a part of the picture, find something to marvel at, to learn from and be changed. I believe Jesus and his words and actions are a key part of the jigsaw. But I regularly look at pieces I once put together and question if they really fit or line up like I thought.

I'm sure it's possible to go through the transplant journey without dwelling on this but the fact is that, in most cases, your life saving operation was only possible because of the tragedy of someone else's death and that the celebration of your family and friends can't be separated from the grief and tears of another's. I honestly don't know how helpful these thoughts are but, assuming I get a transplant, there's a sadness, an uneasiness and a sense of guilt in knowing someone else's life will be cut short and mine will be prolonged. They will never know my immense gratitude to them.

At Easter, Christians remember Jesus death and resurrection. Death. Life. Transplant is a opportunity for the end of one person's life to give someone else a hope for new life. Death. Life. Hope and new life are concepts I'm a firm believer in. As uncomfortable as it is, right now my hope for a longer life rests on the tragedy of someone else's death. But whatever unfolds in the months ahead, I am still choosing to put my overarching hope in Jesus. 

This Easter as I remember Jesus and thank him for his sacrifice for me, I can't help but think of the family and friends of my potential donor and I also can't help but recognise and thank the friends and family I have who are an amazing support to me and my family on this journey. And I pray that my transplant journey, however it pans out, will be a few more jigsaw pieces fitting together and giving a glimpse of an infinite God.