400

Last Wed I got some blood tests done. At 10pm I then got a phone call from the liver consultant....

"Hello, James. We've got your blood results and your bilirubin is currently 400....."

400? Wowser! Normal range is 0-21. Three years ago I peaked at 390 but, blimey, this means I've just broken my record. I don't know what to say... I'd like to thank my wife for her love and support, my parents for teaching me to strive for excellence, my liver for always giving up on me and for...

Oh wait the Dr's still talking....something about an MRI scan.....wants me to come in to hospital....liaising with the transplant centre to keep them updated.... 

Of course. While my love of numbers means I feel a sense of achievement at breaking the 400 barrier, it does mean I'm really not very well. Rats!

So I've been in the hospital for the last 4 days, waiting for the Queen and everyone else to stop scoffing scones so that the hospital can kick back into gear. They want an MRI scan (see previous post) and may well want an ERCP afterwards depending on what they see on the scan.

Being here with things looking much worse than they had been is causing me to process more/again the journey to come and I'm realising it may all be closer than I had expected (not that I'll really know until I get that call).

I'm pretty scared to be honest. The knowledge that transplant is my only option is sinking in more which is helpful but, knowing I have to roll that dice (feel free to express your singular of dice pedantry in the comments but do know that I don't give a monkeys) means I have to face up to all the possible outcomes. Obviously I'm hoping for a 6- a successful operation with no post op complications and a speedy recovery. But there are plenty of other trickier, windier paths and also the possibility of a 1 where I don't make it. I want to make it! NB. There are more than 6 possible outcomes and not all have a 1 in 6 probability!

Anyway it's all suddenly become quite real and I'm remembering the God I trust in and praying for peace and strength through the journey ahead. 

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