Bags

Bags are boring. Plastic bags are boring and frustrating because you can't open them without licking them and, for a good amount of the last couple of years, you couldn't lick them unless you fed the bag inside your face mask and then you end up looking like an idiot*. Designer handbags are boring and also annoying because they pretend not to be boring by costing the same as a small car but they are still just a bag. Suitcases are boring unless they have wheels and you are under 8 and can ride them carefree around the airport. Bin bags sit in a pile and silently mock you for forgetting bin day yet again. Sleeping bags are literally the worst kind of bedding. Teabags make tea which is the epitome of a boring drink. Bagpuss is mind numbingly dull. Bagpipes are a kind of musical GBH etc etc. 

And quite possibly the absolute worst thing about being on the transplant waiting list is having to pack a bag to take to the hospital when it's time to go and pick up your new liver. Packing bags is insanely dull and no one wants to take a second longer on it than necessary (which is why we just throw a bunch of clothes in a suitcase half an hour before we need to leave for the airport and always race the checkout assistant to pack quicker than they scan). 

Everyone has made clear to me that packing your bag so it is ready to go whenever you get the call is super important. That's why, as soon as I was added to the list, I put the dressing gown and slippers my wife bought me in to a bag and determined to work out what else I needed in the very near future. Last week, in celebration of being on the transplant list for a month, I revisited the concept of packing my bag and added to the aforementioned items, some pyjamas, 2 pairs of pants and a puzzle book. I recognise that this is not yet what one might describe as "being packed" and the problem I have is that I firmly believe the best way to avoid spending too long packing is to start as close as you can to the relevant deadline. But I have no idea when the deadline is. Theoretically I would have time to pack once I get the call and before they come and pick me up. However, it seems wiser to me to use this time to say goodbye to my wife and kids.

The upshot of all of this is just to say that I know I have to pack a bag. But I don't want to. And I know I have to be a grown up and just do it but I still don't want to. And it's possible that this is also a reflection on the fact that I have to have a transplant and I also don't want to do that. And I know I'm incredibly lucky to have the chance of getting a transplant and I promise to stop acting like a sulky toddler refusing to put his shoes on and I'll finish packing my bag soon.

*My wife says I am an idiot for suggesting people lick bags to try and open them. She is, of course, right and what I actually mean is people lick their fingers to then use to open the bag. I could rework this sentence to make more sense but it feels like a lot of effort to be honest.